#206. DON’T forget old flames.

19 Comments 09 October 2012

When you break up and move on from someone, you move all the thoughts, feelings and photos you have of them (and the odd item of clothing they left at your joint) to the side. Somewhere out of sight, and hopefully out of mind. I guess you try to quickly un-know that person you used to know inside out — rip the relationship off like a band-aid so to speak.

And it’s only after you’ve done this, after you’ve moped around for a few weeks in your slippers, and erased your emotional hard drive; that you are ready to accept new software and love again. Anyway, enough of the weird computer analogies, my point is, we shouldn’t forget the ones we used to love, or like a lot, or whatever. Not forever anyway.

It’s not healthy to live in the past, but when you’ve got your present sorted and when your future looks pretty close to how you’ve always imagined it to, then it’s nice to look back and remember the people you’ve shared time, meals and apartments with. And it’s OK to remember them too — you shouldn’t feel bad about remembering good times with good people. Sure, he or she wasn’t right for you, or you weren’t right for them, but each person you’ve dragged along to a family function and introduced to your Nan over the years, in some way has helped you become the person you are, and lead you towards the person you’re with today.

Borrowing from Julio Iglesias, To all the girls I’ve loved before, I dedicate this blog.

Your Comments

19 Responses

  1. bananamuffin says:

    hi. actually i dont think that we can forget these things. i mean i still can recall my “boyfriends” from the age of 4 or 5. and i still can name every single crush i had even though i dont have them anymore at all. this is just a thing i guess that everyone has, that we tell ourselves that we forget about him/her, eventually we did not forgot them we are just over them. and my past stories reallycan make me smile many times :)

  2. music.is.my.love.12297 says:

    I agree that forgeting a person that made you feel important can leave a gigantic hole and they do help mold who you are , but sometimes it’s hard to think about or remember something so amazingly awesome that happend that fell to pieces. Sometimes you just need to forgive and forget!

  3. junglekats25 says:

    I agree with this statement whole-heartedly! Everyone, not just “old flames” but past friends, current friends, even just aquaintences have something to do with what your purpose in life is all about. They make you grow and develop into the creation you are to be. Even though things yes, may have been ugly or even explosive at the end–can you say burning fire pit? I think looking back is beneficial to grow from it.

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  4. Katiebe says:

    How could one possibly forget old flames? If they mattered enough to be considered a flame in the first place then they will never be truly forgotten. But flames don’t last forever, they cease in existence, metaphorically speaking its the rocks we need to hold on to. They are the ones worth remembering or staying in touch with, or even keeping close to you.

  5. Iris says:

    Finally someone who agrees with me.

  6. Karen says:

    I want to send this to my ex boyfriend… But he will probably start whining that I’m stalking him >< I just want him to read this…

  7. K Bear says:

    I completely agree with this! My life is just about where I want it now, and I can honestly say I can look back on my life and im ok with it. I’ve had boyfriends that didnt make the cut and friends that now I don’t even talk to, but I cant recall a single one that I didnt gain something from or learn from. Its amazing how your past can somewhat shape you from your experiences. You cant just forget it all. Forgetting would be like denying how you got to where you are.

  8. A Wallflower says:

    Not everyone forgets their past loves. I can recall mine, but sometimes to push them out of my mindset is easier. Its easier to forget the hurt and the heartache caused by the past. Which is better to remember their name but not their actions or to remember and relive the pain?

  9. c'est la vie says:

    Those girls of you were lucky ones that’s for sure!

  10. jadedbyu77 says:

    Well said. Glance at the past is just as healthy as staying in the present. =)

  11. orianaskucek says:

    first love will always be apart of you :)

  12. Author A says:

    this is something I am struggling with big time. closure from my first real love. but I now have a boyfriend who doesn’t know any of how I feel and I don’t know whether I want to move on from my ex or….I just don’t know. I have my first blog posted. I needed a way to vent my feelings. can I have some feedback on it? I need advice

  13. ilhtdubai1 says:

    Hmm i agreed with your opinion:

  14. Sunrays says:

    This post really gets me thinking. I’ve been struggling with a situation that’s too complicated for words but my ex still lingers in my thoughts all the time(usually against my will and not wanted). It used to make me feel bad since I have a different boyfriend but I’m such a sentimental person that I can’t let go of someone who was once so important in my life. He helped make me who I am today and I think that makes him worth remembering.

  15. Saagarika says:

    I still have a bf ( MY FRST ONE) I m missing him very much……we haven’t seen each other for like half a month and we have promised each other that we will never forget each other :)

  16. joker1time says:

    I wish I read this a few weeks ago, im still kinda dealing with the situation. and I understand were this is coming from and I wish I was at this point right now, its difficult to think ill be at this point. but well said none the less.

  17. Kay says:

    Finally, I meet a person who gets it. I’ve always been told, you know forget about them but you have made it so clear to me that it’s completely okay not forget. Such a lifesaver! And they do put an impact on your life.

  18. raj1798 says:

    Its not easy to get over someone !!! but ….ones your detached with the person…you cant help it!!!…..u have to move on!!….if u erase all the memories den…it gets way easier!!!

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